b a t t l e f i e l d.

and i'm my own worst enemy.

12:44am, 19 July 2013.

i hate losing sleep. i hate to count the hours left. i hate time-zone differences. i hate staring at my phone. i hate to be startled awake by the sound of my ringing text. i hate bad wifi connection. i hate waiting for phonecalls. - while you were away.

12:47am

i don't know what to do although i have plenty of undone things in my list. i don't know if it's PMS, or is it just everything else that is wrong.

12:49am

i am hungry. but i don't think i should eat. :(

12:50am

takes a puff.

12:52am

i refuse to think. about anything.
about things that have went wrong. but i am not putting up a fight like i usually do. what is the point? then i came across this line saying ; "what doesn't matter to anyone, doesn't matter to you."

what is significant enough?

people changes, people gives up. and they say there's a reason behind every happening. just that sometimes, you'll never get to find out why it did take place. sometimes, some things are better left unknown. be it feelings, be it thought, be it anything. maybe the truth will surface some day. maybe.

just sudden thoughts. random.

1:00am

go take a bath. and shut my eyes. (:

goodnight.
xoxo

*****

i don't want a drama.

i want a happily ever after. 

*****

and so, he said ; 

"have a little faith"

i don't care who you are, where you're from. i don't care what you did

- 

as long as you love me.

"so random my heart, body and soul"

and i have no courage for another free fall.

i'm going to have to do what i do best. 

what could have been the possibilites if i took a different route, making a different choice?
could i have been in bliss, or could i be not.

too afraid of what ifs.
too afraid of the unknown.

then again, who isn't?

i still believe in fate. and perhaps time will take me there. (:

i can't wait to go home.
as much as i love travelling, i'm feeling so home-sick now.
i wanna go home.

while here, i had thinking done.
and i came to one simple conclusion.

people that mistreated me, people that broke my heart. people that tore me apart. 
you are the people i wouldn't give a damn fuck when i'm doing well. 
i'm talking about now, i'm talking about the future.
i promise you won't be the one next to me when i'm flying high.
i promise you will be the one doing regrets.

because of you, here is me. 

goodnight moscow.

the unknown 3rd year. 

are you happy?

so who was dying inside now?

you may have already decided to break all promises.

and i have decided that i'm keeping mine.

it's a love story.

but nobody's saying yes.